Apparently there's a new God of War game coming out, and I want to talk about that. But I'm trying to develop my thoughts somewhere beyond "... really?" so I'm killing some time. We've all experienced these moments - the ones where you want to bang your head against the keyboard, throw your controller against the wall, and scream until your roommates threaten violence. The cool thing about rage quit moments is that we all have different ones. Something that was incredibly frustrating for me might have taken someone else no time at all. So here we are - my finest rage quits in no particular order.
Jinpachi Mishima - Tekken 5
This guy took me FOREVER to beat. He's way too fast for such a big dude, and most of his attacks will knock your character to the ground and do tons of damage. And if you manage to dodge all that, he shoots fireballs out of the mouth in his stomach. Those fireballs are really hard to avoid, so I took my chances staying close to him and trying to stay away from his giant fists. Seriously, his fists were as big as most of the fighters heads. But the thing that topped off the rage for me was the unskippable cutscene before the fight. At least I'm pretty sure its unskippable - that's how I remember it. Unskippable cutscenes are the devil.
Seymour Natus - FFX
You have to fight Seymour in three different forms throughout this game, and this one is the second you come across. I hated this guy. He likes to cast Break on your characters, and then have his sidekick (the Mortibody) attack you. If you don't cure your characters RIGHT AWAY the Mortibody shatters them, removing them from the battle permanently. Also, he's really smug. I had to take a break to do some deep breathing and consult the Internet after my first few attempts. He's more frustrating than the final boss, Jecht. By the time I got to Jecht I could obliterate him with a couple Delta Attacks from the Magus sisters. But I faced S. Natus relatively early in the game, where I hadn't had many chances for power-leveling and sidequesting.
Metal Kor - Jak 2
This was the final boss in Jak 2. I don't remember exactly what hung me up on this guy, but I know he has at least two forms you have to deal with. I'd get through the first one, only to be destroyed by the second. Try after try after try, I was getting no love. And then it was time for me to go to work, so I growled at the PS2 that this was not over and put it down. Hours later, I was done with my shift and picked that monster back up. I promptly handed its butt to it on a gold platter in about ten minutes. My frustration wasn't so much directed at the dozens of failed attempts earlier in the day, but the fact that it only took me one try after putting it down for a while. What was wrong with my mojo earlier in the day?
Un-aggro-able Dragons around Dawnstar - Skyrim
This phenomenon can happen anywhere on the map, but its most annoying around Dawnstar. That place is a damn dragon magnet. I'm sure this has happened to lots of people - you ride your horse up to Dawnstar to pick up a quest or something and all of a sudden the "Epic Battle" music starts playing and all the guards start running around screaming for people to get inside. But what is the dragon doing? Its flying around just out of arrow range, roaring. A couple minutes later, he's still there faffing about. I think about leaving and coming back later, but I'm afraid he might grow a pair while I'm gone and wipe out the whole town. Even though my character is a malevolent killer, she's quite fond of the Kajiit that camp outside the city and would rather like them to survive. She has an "us vs. those racist asshole Nords" type of bond with them. So I usually end up reloading my last save, and while the dragon is still around it has the common decency to land on a roof and shoot fire at things so I can kill it. So I suppose this is more a rage-reload than rage quit.
That Stupid Lava Scorpion - Devil May Cry 1
I don't even remember what he was called, but I remember the hysterical rage this boss inspired. Its one of the first bosses you face, but it was the one that frustrated me the most. There are two ways to damage him - jump on his back and slash away, or hit him right in the face. I'm sure you can imagine how easy the first option is, and he almost always covers his face with his stupid claws. His attacks are extremely powerful and hard to avoid. This was also the first hacky-slashy type game I'd ever played, so I my reflexes were not quite up to obsessive-gamer-nerd standards. A little background - I played this in my dorm room in college on a tiny TV/VCR combo that was normally hidden behind an armchair because I wasn't actually supposed to have it. Also I shared a two room/bathroom combo with three other girls, one of whom happened to be in the other room. After a particularly loud screaming fit, she came in to see if I was being murdered. This is another example of unskippable cutscenes being from Satan - I love you, Dante, but I don't need to see the same scene five times while I'm seething with rage about the STUPID LAVA SCORPION. Oh, and did I mention that you face him more than once? Yeah. I'm getting angry again just thinking about it.
Omega Weapon - FFX
Yes, yes, yes, I've talked about this before. Really hard dungeon with no save points, check. I cannot say this enough - making a dungeon with no save points is not a challenge, its sadism. There should be something written into the Geneva convention. Six hours of my life lost, blah blah bitchcakes. But the fact is, this particular defeat inspired me to start a completely new playthrough, years later, specifically for the purpose of revenge. And also getting all the Ultimate Weapons.
Dante - Devil May Cry 4 (Hard Mode)
It makes sense that facing the protagonist of the first three games in the series would be hard - it would be an insult to my beloved Dante otherwise. But... damn. I beat him just fine playing on Normal mode, but I had a system. I'd jump onto the bed canopy, wait for him to jump after me and claw him with my extendo-arm. Because that was the only way I'd figured out how to damage him. He blocked all my attacks, deflected all my bullets, but he was vulnerable for a split second while he was jumping. In Hard mode, that vulnerability doesn't exist, and my strategy was useless. After numerous attempts to figure something else out, I gave up. Dude's pretty much invulnerable.
Godzilla - Sim City
Ever spend hours carefully crafting a lovely city, only to have a pixelated giant monster arrive right when everything's going great to stomp all over your industry district? Yeah, I thought so. "Oh no, my infrastructure!" At least Godzilla is preferable to floods.
Castle #5 - Super Mario World
I know there are other castles in this game, but this was the one that gave me the most trouble. Something between the moving rock-platform and the ceiling spikes just kept getting the better of me. I was living with someone at the time, and he actually told me I might need to take a break for a second after I started yelling about how the bouncy fireballs were deliberately going after me. The funny thing about Super Mario World's castles is that once you get to that giant red door there is a moment of relief coupled with dread. The relief is because - lets face it - beating the Koopa on the other side is easy. You just have to jump on their heads three times, in varying circumstances. Ok, the tilty lava platform was kind of hard. The dread comes from the fact that you might have a controller slip and die, sending you back to the start of the castle. Cue the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Broodmother - Dragon Age: Origins
First of all, let me just say what's on everyone's mind. Gross. Just, completely horrifying. Its not just about what the Broodmother looks like, but also the process of creating one that you find out about along the way. As you're travelling the pathways that leads you to the confrontation you hear a creepy voice describing what happened to her. I started feeling bad for whatever was going to be on the other end of my sword later - and then I saw it. All sympathy died and all I could think was "Oh my god, kill that thing right now!"
So, the fight. Don't get close to her, or she'll spit acid on you. Stay away, and she sends tentacles into the ground to sprout up and attack you. Oh, and she also calls up a couple squads of darkspawn right when you think you're getting the upper hand and OH MY GOD WYNNE IS ALMOST DEAD. Seriously, there's nothing more frightening than realizing your healer is almost dead. I almost gave this spot to the High Dragon, but I couldn't. The High Dragon is optional, and it just doesn't hold the same amount of tense horror that the Broodmother did. I think I died at one point because I was so transfixed by how conflicted my emotions were about the whole thing.